Painting The World Pink

All this talk of a company organising drinking nights for undergrads is news to me - never heard of them while I was studying. But then at my uni the students didn't need help from outside influences, they were capable of getting bladdered all by themselves (especially the rugby team).

Carnage would have only been used to describe the scene on Wednesday nights in the bar. Or the sports teams after a few go's with that funnel thing.

Anyway, this news of an undergraduate who relieved himself on a war memorial (tasteful, really. Not) during one of these events has bought out moralists calling for this company to be banned from organising these binges.

Fair enough, they've got to accept social responsibility. Not sure it will stop young students going out on drinking binges and pissing in places they shouldn't be pissing in. I knew two people at uni who, after getting alkie-numbed, decided to go to the toilet by the side wall of the local mosque (very respectful, not!). That was without a company organising their binge!

So what can they do? This behaviour will still go on without the presence of Carnage or any other company.

Getting rid of cheap drinks and promotions will only punish the responsible - the one's who want to binge will find more expensive ways to do so.

Lecturing young people by saying "don't do this, it's bad for you" won't stop anyone. They're young and they still have plenty of mistakes to make - getting so drunk that they forget what a public toilet looks like is generally regarded as a mistake. And you know what the wonderful thing about mistakes is? They are experiences you learn from.

Like, the room spinning is not a nice experience.

Tequila after wine, cava and vodka is probably going to make you ill.

Doing stupid things when we are young is an important part of growing up. If we all did exactly what we were told, and were always very sensible then we'd be very dull grown ups with no stories to tell.

These are people who have just reached adulthood and are finding their way in the world. Okay, they're bumping around a fair bit but how else do you find your way?

Yeah, I know taking the p*ss out of a Westlife song is too easy, but I'm ill and my brain can't think of anything else to say.

Westlife release another cliche-filled ballad. Zzzzz! Sorry, this virus is really draining my energy.

What about now?
What about staying in whatever obscurity you've been living in for the past however many years?

Shadows fill an empty heart

Start as you mean to go on - with a cliche

As love is fading,

Love is far more patient than our attention. That faded about 10 years ago

From all the things that we are
But are not saying

Read. Re-read. Could you ask your management what this means?

Can we see beyond the scars
And make it to the dawn?

You're really not trying to make sense? How does your 10 year old fan base know what that means?

Change the colours of the sky

Look if you can't find lyrics that make sense, how can you expect to play God with the sky?!

And open up to
The ways you made me feel alive,

If you feel alive why are you killing us painfully with this song?

The ways I loved you
For all the things that never died,

Those "things" won't include the poor listener!

To make it through the night,
Love will find you

If you're singing, I probably won't make it through the night!

What about now?
What about today?

What about retirement? What about getting out of our hair?

What if you’re making me all that I was meant to be?

If you were meant to be whatever it was, then you wouldn't need other person and wouldn't need to inflict this song on us.

What if our love never went away?

You're driving love away with this sh*te.

What if it’s lost behind words we could never find?

Or lost behind words with no meaning - like this song!

Baby, before it’s too late,
What about now?

Because you've killed us. Anything from here onwards will be necrophilia!

The sun is breaking in your eyes
To start a new day

Oh crap. Another verse! The sun rising inside someone's eyes has got to be a miracle of nature (another one for the pop cliche tin)

This broken heart can still survive
With a touch of your grace

We can't survive, so you will have to sing the rest of this song to Grace - whoever she is!

Shadows fade into the light

Shadows don't fade into light - if we didn't have light, we would have shadows.

I am by your side,
Where love will find you

(Looking round and jumping away from wherever you are) Love's going to find me when it's right next to me, is it? Funny that!

What about now?
What about today?

What about putting down your mikes and tidying away your stools?

[Chorus bit again. Not going to repeat the cliches.]

Now that we’re here,

I can show you where to go away again. There's the door!

Now that we’ve come this far,

Come this far and still singing dross

Just hold on
There is nothing to fear,

Yeah, it's nearly over. Shame it had to go on for so long!

For I am right beside you.

I thought I made it clear - I don't like you standing near me!

For all my life,
I am yours.

That's it, I'm getting a restraining order against you!

[Fade out with the cliche/chorus]

Dear World,

On behalf of Irish people and people of Irish descent everywhere, I'd like to offer an apology for the homeland unleashing this evil on you. Neither this lot, or Bono, are representative of Irish people or music.

Please accept my apologies, and let me suggest listening to The Pogues, The Wolf Tones or Sinead O'Connor.

Sincerely,

RIThompson

However long it took me to pass my theory test. (Four, then I had to retake it two years later)

It may have taken seven attempts to pass my practical test.

But it looks like no time at all when you consider how long this woman has taken just to pass the theory!

Is it wrong to laugh?

1. Do you have a favourite part of autumn?
The beautiful yellow/orange/red leaves that haven't jumped of the trees yet.

2. "It's too cold to snow!" Do you think it ever is?
Too cold?! So cold that the clouds have frozen over? I don't think so.

3. Do you feel there is still a place for British Summer Time or should we just stop changing the clocks?
Yes. It messes up my body clock every six months. Also difficult to remember when exactly we should change them.

4. Are there certain meals you only eat in certain seasons (salad in summer, stew in winter)?
Yes. Mince pies at Christmas, and only at Christmas.

5. Autumn is...?
That annoying season between summer and winter which can't decide whether to bathe you in glorious sunshine, or freeze you with cold rain. The positive side is that the trees look pretty!

It's Sesame Street's 40th birthday today (not that Google is in anyway paying attention, with the Cookie Monster logo).

Anyway, one crazy conservative blogger is complaining that Sesame Street is far left propaganda. Whaaaaat? Why? Because dustbin dweller Oscar the Grouch performed a skit two years ago that described Fox News (or Pox in his skit) as "trashy".

What? This is shocking to these people!? The Simpsons have been implying Fox is trashy for years, without the outcry or changing the name. (Although, it might be difficult to complain about their own show)

Anyway, even if people view Fox as trashy, it does not mean that they have a left wing bias. It probably means that they have a brain and eyes!

Why, oh why, are you complaining about the agency staff who are there to help you with the backlog?

A strikebreaker crosses a picket line on a strike day.

A casual worker helps deliver the post on non-strike days.

See the difference?

Now, run along and focus your energies on the real villains in this saga - Senior Management and all the useless hierarchy!

What's the first thing I do after reading an article on how modern technology is overwhelming us? Blog about it. Then remind myself to write a handwritten letter to my Grandma (as opposed to the usual boring email).

Now, technology isn't all bad. For example, if we use it for writing thoughtful blogposts and comments then it's clearly a positive force. (And if the blog is on BCUK, then you have a loyal pair of readers as well)

According to this article, technology is replacing talking to someone in person and letter-writing with short, sweet and temporary instant messenger chats. So that means we're all becoming Internet ADH- Hey, something shiny!

But, it's not technology's fault - it's the lazy human being sitting at their computer repeatedly poking friends on facebook that has the problem with communication.

Browsing the internet before making dinner, I find this interesting story about how important it is that everyone enjoys a good curry.

Actually, it's about how turmeric in curry powder kills cancerous cells, or some such crap. Now, I'm suspicious of anything that tells us that something causes/cures cancer. I am hoping that the Hate Mail and Express in all there sensationalist glory publish it on the front page, and encourage all their readers to embrace this product of multiculturalism.

Meanwhile an Irish TD is busy cementing ethnic stereotypes, by claiming a drink before driving helps relax before driving.

Now, naturally there are some people who are a little shocked by this - Ireland is a country where, on driving into a new county, one is told how many deaths there were on the counties roads the previous year. However, I think the real cause of accidents in Ireland might have more to do with the nation's motorists driving like complete, blinking eejits rather than how much alcohol they've consumed.

...But senior management make me that angry anyway.

All the news sites are building up to Thuggo Griffin's appearance on Question Time like it's the FA Cup final. (Maybe Griffin's the ball!)

The Indy has a list of things we may like to know about The BNP - something for the other panellists to look at.

There's the Graunaid's Live Text Feed - telling us about the protests against the Fat One's appearance. That'll feed his "Martyr Complex"!

I'm more amused that The World, His Missus, pet dog and cat feel obliged to comment. Found a copy of The Sun lying around in the work canteen this morning - according to the hypersexual Russell Brand, it's good that the BNP will be appearing on QT so the public can see that "the BNP peddle rhubarb".

Rhubarb is evil then, and hopefully one of the other panellists will preparing a grilling as I type.