Random Blog from Random Person

Fosters Radio Ads: It is not beer. It is piss water. Please take note, and advertise correctly!

DAB Digital Radio Ads: Mainly because of that condescending, patronising woman (Germaine Greer?) who equates writing letters with listening to a gramaphone. Excuse me!? Sometimes it is nice to receive a handwritten letter, especially if all we get are depressing bills!

The Bandwagon Surrounding Kate & Gerry McCann: Please. Make it stop! Let us all move on.

I decided to listen to the words of this song, and figure out how I'm supposed to love myself.

Joshua Kadison - Wild Angel

1. What is your favourite comedy film?
Monty Python's Life of Brian, with The Holy Grail a close second.

2. What is your favourite comedy on TV?
The Big Bang Theory

3. Who is your best Comedy actor/actress?
Jack Black

4. If you could write a comedy what would it be about?
Something random - in other words, "I haven't a clue!"

5. What is the Funniest thing you have ever seen be it in person or on a TV show or film?
My friend climbing over his girlfriend and another friend, to get into my car and ending up facing the wrong way! (We laughed at the time, as well!)

Parody of Girls Aloud with guitars (that's Coldplay to everyone else), and their crap song Fix You.

Presenting;

Con Us

You're trying to write a hit pop song,
You realise that it's all wrong.
You can't make sense or rhyme with song,
Like back catalogue.

But you don't cry or fret,
'Cause it'll be number 1 even though it's shit.
Like all your other hits.
You're not worried?

DJ's will play your song,
It will win the gongs.
And you will try to con us.

High up in top spot,
You count the money you got.
The albums selling still hot.
You're the latest flavour.

DJ's will play your song,
It will win the gongs.
And you will try to con us.

Cheers coming from the crowd,
As you belt hit out loud.
You pretend it makes you cry.

Cheers coming from the crowd,
As you belt hit out loud.
You pretend it makes you cry.

DJ's will play your song,
It will win the gongs.
And you will try to con us.

From BBC Live Football,

1918: "OK two phrases are hereby banned tonight... 'Business end of the season' and 'anti-football'. That bandwagon cant hold that many people!". donkamero

What would commentators do if someone banned them from using cliches for one match? Think, I suppose. Maybe commentating like Stuart Hall does for Five Live/Final Score - like a Shakespearean actor!

Neighbours and families in the North are more likely to be more sociable than their Southern counterparts, according to a new report.

Which either makes my street an unusual case, or Northern neighbours are extra friendly. (Or it could just mean don't believe everything you read).

Most discussion on the HYS thread has dramatically veered away from whatever the topic might have been. However, this comment from a Geordie is particularly funny;

I'd love to talk to my neighbours, but I don't speak 'southern' !!

[SeghillRob], Newcastle upon Tyne

The rest seem to fall into the categories of,
1. Irrational.
2. Hate-filled.
3. Don't appear to know what the saying "Love thy neighbour" really means.

...Every Little Helps.

Hoping that works in my bid to collect sponsorship for the Race for Life event that I'm doing in July!

So, c'mon, hand over your dough to my sponsorship page. I'll keep you all updated with my adventures in the preparation (I'm going to do it properly this time - don't fancy repeating the sore legs after 4km last time).

This morning I discovered;
Evanescence provide a fine soundtrack to your training, except if the song is My Immortal.

Manic Street Preachers - Umbrella

This song was made for The Manics!

Listening to that "author" (loosest possible definition there) of that Harry Potter Lexicon book on the radio earlier got me thinking.

I have an idea that JK and HP-nut might settle the matter so that each get a share in the royalities. Because;
1. The judge will not want to be seen to be banning a book.
2. JK won't accept a verdict that goes entirely the way of HP-nut, and why should she?! (Ignore the fact that she's made a lot of money from the franchise already! That's irrelevant)

Which then leads me to think that it is all a publicity stunt to raise the profile of the book, and therefore sell more copies. This relies on JK not succeeding in stopping the book.

I'm saying no more - Harry Potter PLC doesn't need any more publicity - but don't be surprised if both parties strike a deal in the next few weeks.

Now, all go read His Dark Materials! That's a series which deserves the publicity, and Philip Pullman deserves his royalties for being a literature genius!

Someone writing a fan-book on Harry Potter is NOT copying your stories.

1. Numerous authors have had commentaries and geeky fan books written as spin offs. What makes you so special?
2. I've seen a few His Dark Materials (far superior to HP) fan/commentary books, and I haven't heard about Philip Pullman suing anyone.
3. Every author is inspired by stuff other authors write. Some genres even have common themes (parallel universes, dystopian futures, etc).

What are you really worried about, JK? Your literary creation, or your royalties?

* * * *

EDIT: These were my initial thoughts at the story; they are not my views, as those are open to change when I realise I am wrong.
Judge for yourself whether you think he was copying, I'm not sure but then I wouldn't know. http://www.hp-lexicon.org/index-2.html

And Marina Hyde's informative Graunaid article is here.

Anyone would think that The Graunaid hates feminism, especially as the feminist columnists (Hag Greer and Polly Toynbee) appear intend on alienating a lot of women from the concept.

Take this latest piece of Pink-Bashing, published a couple of days ago.

Of course, you know where the article is going when the words "Poisonous Pink Assault" appears in the strapline. Yes, pink and girliness are responsible for all inequality facing women! Yes, all a colour's fault! Just how irrational does that sound?!

Try reading Madam Toynbee's article from start to finish, and you will find the answer. On the irrationality meter her rant is close to totally irrational.

Let's start in the paragraph where she lays the blame for inequality on pink;

It's almost impossible to buy toys now that are not putridly pink branded or aggressively superhero male.

And? Never thought that might be what small children want?! I'm not sure if Miss Toynbee has ever worked with small children - something I doubt - but if you ask what their favourite colour is, the girls are most likely to say pink. No prompting by adults takes place, just a straight question and a straight, affirmative answer.

The next paragraph is just absolutely ridiculous! Especially the following;

One study showed how anxiety about appearance harms brain function: girls were asked to try on a swimsuit or a sweater in a private dressing room, supposedly to give their opinion. While waiting they were asked to do a maths test. The girls given swimsuits did much worse than those in sweaters, as thinking about their bodies, mostly negatively, undermined their intellectual self-confidence.

That tells us what exactly?! Firstly, you can get unflattering, functional swimsuits and figure-hugging sweaters. Has Polly Toynbee never walked into a High Street Boutique? Secondly, does this make Olympic swimmers bad at maths, or any other intellectual pursuit? I would have thought that sport required a good deal of maths, for example lap times.

Finally, in her conclusion;

Equal pay and equal power are closely connected with an escape from princess pink.

Really? Please tell me how, as you haven't explained why in your article! It appears, Miss Toynbee (the "Miss" used for the purpose of annoyance), that you are just attempting to tenuously connect pink to all the inquality and discrimination against women, without any evidence at all.

Feminism is not, and should not be about women trying to become like a man in order to become successful because some patronising, self-righteous witch tells her to. Feminism should be about a woman making her own choices, accepting who she is as a person and reaching whatever her ambition might be. And I include being a mother and running a successful dressmaking business in that!

Woman's Hour were talking to the new Head of the Human Fertilisation and Embryology authority, about animal-human hybrids - among other things.

This got me thinking. If you had the technology to combine a human with another animal, which species would it be, and why?

Here's my suggestion; human + gazelle = a two legged creature that can run very fast.

Your turn.

Just when I thought footless tights were the most pointless fashion item ever invented, yesterday's Observer proves me wrong.

Gladiator sandals (especially the knee-high ones).

I mean, why? What is the point of something with more buckles than you have energy to do up? Remember, these are summer footwear. Summer is a very hot season, when you really do not want to spend ages fiddling with buckles!

And what occasion would the sandals be required attire for?
1. Beat up Christians night?
2. Biblical fancy dress?

Seriously, what bright spark poncey designer person thought that these were a good idea? They're not exactly filling a gap in the market, even if there is an impressionable Chav who thinks "I've always wanted a pair of them!"

But then, the Impressionable Chav and Fool market is precisely what they are aiming for.

Okay, I accept that rules are needed in poetry, but poets shouldn't be expected to obey all the rules of poetry.

This article in today's Observer got me angry at lunchtime.

What do these people want?! Isn't poetry supposed to be for everyone, and not exclusive to the realm of dusty old books and Public School Snobs? Language is flexible, so is poetry, that's why it is so interesting to work with. While some structure is necessary in poetry, it does not really matter how a poet lays out the poem. It should always be down to the individual style of the poet.

**One
Word.**
You.
Can.
Only.
Type.
One.
Word.

Not as easy as you might think*. Remember: one word answers.

Where is your mobile phone? Pocket
Your significant other? non-existent
Your hair? Blonde
Your mother? Dead
Your father? Mad
Your favourite thing? Books
Your dream last night? strange
Your favorite drink? Wine
Your dream/goal? writer
The room you're in? Bedroom
Your ex? non-existent
Your fear? lifts
Where do you want to be in 6 years? novelist
Where were you last night? home
What you're not? salesperson
One of your wish list items? Nightwish
Where you grew up? London
The last thing you did? cleaned
What are you wearing? jumper
Your TV? aerial-less
Your pets? dead
Your computer? black
Your life? direction-less
Your mood? meh
Missing someone? Mum
Your car? Scratched
Something you're not wearing? dress
Favourite Store? bookshop
Your summer? wine
Like someone? erm....
Your favourite colour? pinkblack
Last time you laughed? lunchtime
Last time you cried? erm...

1. Not much happening in the world of blog.

2. Friends uncontactable.

3. Another former schoolfriend who's married with a kid has added me as a friend on facebook.

I need cheering up - thank goodness for Puzzle Bubble.

Mariah Carey: She's got a new single out, and it's number one - that's irritating enough (without listening to her whine).

Kate & Gerry McCann: Just when you had thought they were getting on with their lives, the Portuguese police decide to make the irresponsible pair front page news again!

Mohamed Al Fayed: For the last time, shut up! Let the rest of the country move on, you publicity-seeking media whore.

That is all.

1. What was the last book you read?
The Baghdad Blog by Salam Pax. Like Anne Frank, only written in blog format.

2. What are you reading now?
Woman on The Edge of Time by Marge Piercy. It's about a woman locked up in a mental hospital, because of her niece's manipulative boyfriend, and has visions of the future.

3. What one book do you wish you had written?
The novels I'm continuously working on, but never seem to finish. I wouldn't mind actually writing one of them, as well as making notes.

4. Who is your favourite author?
Philip K Dick, because he's inspired me to write Science Fiction!

5. I recommend you read...?
Anna Karenina by Tolstoy, because it's not as intimidating as War and Peace, and everyone should read at least one book by Tolstoy in their lifetime!

A cartoon from the thoughtful, and very funny, ASBO Jesus blog.

Now, let us finish with a Chav joke;

Q. Why is a chav like a slinky?
A. Neither serves any real purpose, but it's great to watch one fall downstairs.

[Tumbleweed]

I suppose if I want to be offensive, I have to tell jokes that are actually funny!

The Rules -

1. Link to the person's blog who tagged you.
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself
4. Tag seven random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting a comment on their blog.

Madam Subby

1. I can see out of two windows by sitting in front of this computer. (It is sunny outside)
2. I would be able to write a novel, if I could focus for more than one hour.
3. I also support Barcelona, and will be Catalan for the rest of the Champions League campaign.
4. I don't get the point of the Cadbury's Gorilla advert.
5. I giggle at the vaguest reference to sex.
6. I met my best friend over a discussion about Arsenal.
7. I have more books and DVD/Videos than shelf space.

So, I tag;

1. Happy28
2. Shipscook
3. Blacksheep63
4. Old Nick
5. La Spice
6. AJ Spencer
7. Thespian

After the protests in London and Paris, the Olympic torch will now be carried by the Liverpool team as they are always guaranteed a passage through Europe.

Anyone else find it ever so slightly ironic, that an alleged symbol of peace and unity, was "protected" by barrier of security guards and police officers?

Today's Guardian informs us that the "torch relay" was invented for the Berlin games in 1936! So that's attempting to legitimise two dodgy regimes, at least!

St bloody Diana was killed by a drunk driver and papparazzi hungry for a scoop.

Right. We know where the prizes for stating the blinding obvious go!

Oh, and look;

The total cost to British taxpayers of investigating Princess Diana's death is expected to top £10 million.

Could we forward the bill on to the Harrods Purchase Ledger Department? Thank you.

Which doesn't really surprise me, really!

Just been looking at old school buddies facebook profiles, and I've noticed that most of them seem to be married. Hmm.

Hang on, do I actually care? Should I? [Scans brain] No, didn't think so!

Oh, well, here is an appropriate video!

All very confusing, I'm not sure what to make of it all!

So, last night we met in the church with (we hoped) representatives from the two major supermarkets interested in our area.

Except ASDA (Asshole) didn't feel like showing up and sharing their plans with us. Arrogant gits! Tesco at least had the decency to show up, even if they did have their lawyers present (allegedly). But in fairness to them, that might have been a defence tactic against a hostile crowd!

The good people of NB are generally in favour of regeneration, but not by Tesco or ASDA. The local representatives (MP and councillors, all Tories), are against it completely. Kind of begs the question, how exactly would they regenerate the area?

As for the word "character" that popped up a number of times (that number being 2) - what bloody character?! The only character is the run down, falling to pieces look, which is what none of us want.

Dear Directors of Topshop and Kate Moss,

It may be the a contender for the world's smallest pair of hotpants, but twenty eight quid for a garment that would probably cost a fraction of the price to make is bordering on the excessive! (They looked smaller in the shop!)

Fortunately, I took my sense out shopping with me, and just walked away shocked, but not particularly surprised.

Is the zzzzelebrity obsessed fool market that big?!

In a Sainsbury's checkout queue about half an hour ago, an employee of the Royal Mail (a postman, in other words) deposited his purchases on the conveyor behind me. These were;

* 2 packaged sandwiches.
* 2 pints (?) of milk.
* A lump of Edam.

and....

* A bottle of cider.

Has the royal mail driven it's workforce to drink?

Reading: The Baghdad Blog by Salam Pax. He has his own Wiki page, but no sign of any recent blog postings. Hope nothing bad has happened.

Typing: Letter to Arsenal on behalf of my Dad, complaining about not getting Silver Membership tickets to tonight's match. Especially as we have bought tickets for every domestic game this season. Box Office Person told Dad to write to the people in authority.

Working: Nothing. Temping front a little quiet this week, due to the end of the financial year. Apparently should be more promising next week.

Other Stuff: Discovered the "Air Umbrella Guitar", very useful when listening to The Manics brilliant version of Umbrella.

Congratulations to Christian O'Connell for successfully April Fooling his listeners for an hour this morning, with his EU Pint Ban joke.

And the fake wedding photos - Brian does look like a woman, but Christian is so recognisable!

However, I'll be waiting until midday until I believe this story.