Now its December, we can expect to see plenty of television minutes and column millimetres (the unit of measurement, not the direction-free leader of the opposition) devoted to how the year went, and what a brilliant one it was too, blah blah.
Well, I'm not doing that. I'm going back to old Spews posts month by month to review the silliness. We'll start in the obviously place;
I see I noticed five months before everyone else that Labour and Tories were busy trying to cuddle up to Nick Clegg (In those days when Clegg still had opinions of his own). Gordon Broom was looking desperate even then. As the television networks went into doomsday panic over a bit of snow, Broom was a man living on borrowed time. Meanwhile, our heartstrings were tugged by the aftermath of the Haitian earthquake, and Simon Cowell was using it for a bit of self promotion.
In Slow Spews Month, Sir Elton caused a bit of offence (that is, some people were a bit bored and decided to be offended) by suggesting that Jesus was gay. In a statement that otherwise gave him a decent slice of credit. In other music spews, Len Cohen was inducted into the songwriters hall of fame. Meanwhile, Barbie became an IT Engineer - the perfect partner for Trekkie Fan Ken.
At the beginning of the month, we noted how so few young people were registered to vote and asked why none of them wanted to vote for the expenses fiddlers. In the Lords, Dutch right wing nut and Little House on the Prairie-named Geert Wilders showed an inflammatory film while the fascists of the EDL and UAF fought each other outside. Quietly in the background, Nick Clegg was setting out the criteria for a coalition with either Gordon Broom or Vacuous Dave.
The start of the General Election campaign, and The Pink Blog was preparing mud and cheap jokes to sling at Labour and the Conservatives. A farmer in Kent was involving himself in some different political mud - a three way piggy election battle. The rest of the world noticed that the Lib Dems did exist, and we then realised that the electoral system was biased against them. The Tories were attacking the Lib Dems on Europe - a stance that has mysteriously faded since. And in non-political news, an Icelandic volcanic which I called Eric was busy creating havoc and grounding air flights.
General Election month, and the people spoke. Well, the people who could get into polling stations to cast their vote. What they said seemed to sound like, "don't like you. Hate you. Really not sure about you." Anyway, the coalition was formed and during May everything seemed beautiful. But that was before they'd actually done anything.
Israeli kicked off the month by storming aboard an aid flotilla in international waters. This lead the world (except America) to condemn the violence, and call for Israel to lift its blockade on Gaza. In the Gulf of Mexico, BP were trying to figure out how to stop an exploded oil will coughing muck into the sea. Pink Blog suggested sending over a team of Eastern European builders. Osborne the Playground Bully was looking for advice on spending cuts, but I'm sure he did not want my advice.
John Prescott became a fully paid up, Champagne Socialist Lord and is now Baron Prezza of Pies-On-Hull. A recently released criminal went on a shooting rampage, and the media decided he deserved rolling news coverage (of absolutely nothing). Nick Clegg stood in for Vacuous Dave at PMQs and mentioned that the Iraq War was illegal. The media reported it as a gaffe, and he hasn't stated a personal opinion since. Later the same month, his view was backed up by Hans Blix at the Chilcot Inquiry. We still await Tony Blair's indictment. July was also the month that the world discovered Wikileaks.
I kicked off this month by suggesting that perhaps we need to start teaching kids about sex a lot earlier in life. I stand by the statements I made at the time. Naomi Campbell appeared in the witness box at The Hague, and complained that the diamonds Charles Taylor's men gave her "were dirty and didn't look like diamonds" - showing just how far out of touch she is. The British media were still coming to grips with the concept of a coalition government.
Guido Fawkes most distressing piece of gossip forced Smeagol Hague to issue a public statement insisting that he was not gay, taking time out from sorting out foreign policy. He-Who-Should-Be-Indicted released his memoirs with some apparently excruciating sex scenes, and a general I regret nothing line. Another Labour Liar was in court though, Phil Woolas for his slanderous election leaflets - justice has now been done. Nick Clegg travelled the world, and Ed Milipede was elected leader of the Labour Party.
The month of the Browne Review into higher education. Labour developed amnesia over introducing tuition fees, the Tories were happy to vote for it, and the Lib Dems spent weeks in agony over broken promises. Trident was quietly put on hold in the Spending Review - until after the next General Election. More juicy Wikileaks came out, revealing the Iraq War justifications to have been built on very shaky ground.
The Toner Cartridge became the latest innocuous item banned on aircraft, as Home Secretary Theresa May suffered a case of Jerky Knee Sydrome. On the other side of the house, Phil Woolas was found guilty of printing slanderous statements, and was stripped of his seat. Following in the footsteps of his friend, Dubya publishes his memoirs and I immediately pity the poor reviewers reading it. A court in Doncaster decided that making jokes on twitter is what terrorists do, and fined a man for menacing an inanimate object.
And in December, the editor of Wikileaks was arrested and remanded in Solitary at Wandsworth. Sad week for democracy and accountability.